MESSY and FUSSY Questionnaires

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These are questionnaires that I created to go along with my upcoming blog article “Why Men Messy and Women are Fussy.” The questionnaires are below.

Messy stands for Male Emotional Sensitivity Syndrome and Fussy stands for Female Ultra-emotional Sensitive Syndrome. The blog addresses, from an evolutionary/bio-neurological perspective, why relationship communication commonly breaks down due to men getting overwhelmed and checking out during emotional conversations. As well as, how women unknowingly contribute to this breakdown because of their misinterpretation of what is happening to men. In summary, men’s nervous systems are not geared to hold high interpersonal emotion, and once this threshold is surpassed, men go into a low-grade level of freeze/shock/dissociation that women misinterpret as not caring, not listening to me, and/or he is not taking me seriously. This in turn gets women to add emotion to draw the man in and/or be taken seriously, but tends to create the exact opposite. For men, it is like trying to save a drowning person by giving them a lead life jacket and it just pulls them deeper into this frozen state. I believe that this is one of the primary causative factors of destructive arguments, breakups, and domestic violence.

I encourage both partners to answer them independently and then to discuss the results together and have an open discussion about their answers. I suggest asking curious questions and don’t focus on right or wrong as much as understanding that the other is telling you their truth about their experience. I also encourage you to read my article at:

Feel free to email me your thoughts on why women and men have such a difficult time communicating related to this dynamic.
Fussy questions
Messy questions