May 20, 2024
After a loved one dies, is common for people to wish that they had spent more time with that individual, told them that they love them more, or had resolved the problems between them before they die. These wishes oftentimes result in obsessive thoughts about wishing things had been different and feelings of regret. People believe that they should have done things differently and their thoughts are played with imaginings of doing things differently.
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After a loved one dies, is common for people to wish that they had spent more time with that individual, told them that they love them more, or had resolved the problems between them before they die. These wishes oftentimes result in obsessive thoughts about wishing things had been different and feelings of regret. People believe that they should have done things differently and their thoughts are played with imaginings of doing things differently.
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May 24, 2024
I use a combination of therapeutic techniques to help people heal depression, anxiety, trauma, and grief. Two of the main modalities I use are EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) and RRT (Rapid Resolution Therapy). Both of these counseling approaches help the brain out of our conscious awareness and control to process information and emotions in a much more productive and healthy way.
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I use a combination of therapeutic techniques to help people heal depression, anxiety, trauma, and grief. Two of the main modalities I use are EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) and RRT (Rapid Resolution Therapy). Both of these counseling approaches help the brain out of our conscious awareness and control to process information and emotions in a much more productive and healthy way.
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April 22, 2024
It's not surprising that, in general, people want to be free of their suffering. Yet, in some cases, there may be aspects of the mind that are not okay with being okay. For instance, have you ever tried to pull someone out of their anger and then in turn they got angry at you? The reason that this occurs is because part of the mind may believe that by letting go of the anger, it might be saying that the action was okay and forgivable.
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It's not surprising that, in general, people want to be free of their suffering. Yet, in some cases, there may be aspects of the mind that are not okay with being okay. For instance, have you ever tried to pull someone out of their anger and then in turn they got angry at you? The reason that this occurs is because part of the mind may believe that by letting go of the anger, it might be saying that the action was okay and forgivable.
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March 20, 2024
Why is talking about death so difficult for us as a culture and why do we avoid talking about it at the most important times of our life? It is a natural part of the life experience and all of us go through it, So, why are we so uncomfortable talking about it? Researchers in psychology have found that dying people often have a propensity to feel isolated and alone due to societal fears and discomfort associated with death. Due to the fact that our society feels inclined to not openly talk about death and tends to be discouraged from addressing it to avoid discomfort, we as a society have made it taboo to talk about even with the people who are going through it.
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Why is talking about death so difficult for us as a culture and why do we avoid talking about it at the most important times of our life? It is a natural part of the life experience and all of us go through it, So, why are we so uncomfortable talking about it? Researchers in psychology have found that dying people often have a propensity to feel isolated and alone due to societal fears and discomfort associated with death. Due to the fact that our society feels inclined to not openly talk about death and tends to be discouraged from addressing it to avoid discomfort, we as a society have made it taboo to talk about even with the people who are going through it.
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February 16, 2024
I am writing this blog series to explain a new and effective therapy for healing grief that I have found to be much more effective and significantly less painful than traditional therapy approaches. This technique is based upon Dr. Jon Connelly's innovative Rapid Resolution Therapy approach to helping people heal and thrive. Dr. Connelly wrote a book titled “Grief Is Not Sacred,” which explains these concepts in significant detail on top of giving numerous transcripts of actual sessions where he helped his clients free themselves from the negative impact that grief was having in their life. I will begin by briefly explaining a bit about Rapid Resolution Therapy as well as provide new perspectives on understanding and defining what we refer to as grief...
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I am writing this blog series to explain a new and effective therapy for healing grief that I have found to be much more effective and significantly less painful than traditional therapy approaches. This technique is based upon Dr. Jon Connelly's innovative Rapid Resolution Therapy approach to helping people heal and thrive. Dr. Connelly wrote a book titled “Grief Is Not Sacred,” which explains these concepts in significant detail on top of giving numerous transcripts of actual sessions where he helped his clients free themselves from the negative impact that grief was having in their life. I will begin by briefly explaining a bit about Rapid Resolution Therapy as well as provide new perspectives on understanding and defining what we refer to as grief...
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June 3, 2021
I was pleasantly surprised that several people, who describe themselves as Takers, asked me to write on advice for Takers on how to not be takers. I was glad because takers are often labeled the bad guys. The narcissists. The selfish ones. A simple google search will reveal all the negative connotations associated with takers and how givers should protect themselves from them. But rather than shaming people – takers are not “bad” people, but people who learned to deal with the world in a manner that is considered “taking.” Recognizing that you’re a taker is the first step towards growth. And as you’ll see later in this piece, it’s not entirely a bad thing that you’re a taker – don’t get too excited…
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I was pleasantly surprised that several people, who describe themselves as Takers, asked me to write on advice for Takers on how to not be takers. I was glad because takers are often labeled the bad guys. The narcissists. The selfish ones. A simple google search will reveal all the negative connotations associated with takers and how givers should protect themselves from them. But rather than shaming people – takers are not “bad” people, but people who learned to deal with the world in a manner that is considered “taking.” Recognizing that you’re a taker is the first step towards growth. And as you’ll see later in this piece, it’s not entirely a bad thing that you’re a taker – don’t get too excited…
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Jan 25, 2021
I grew up in a typical midwestern family and culture that tended to be what you might call “seemingly-racist.” I say seemingly-racist because it was not as extreme as some and tended to be more covert which in ways this made it even harder to directly identify. Like a fish unaware of being wet, the subtle racism surrounded my world and was programmed into me a little bit at a time. I learned that…
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I grew up in a typical midwestern family and culture that tended to be what you might call “seemingly-racist.” I say seemingly-racist because it was not as extreme as some and tended to be more covert which in ways this made it even harder to directly identify. Like a fish unaware of being wet, the subtle racism surrounded my world and was programmed into me a little bit at a time. I learned that…
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December 11. 2020
This is a three part series about how human relationships and work are based upon being Givers, Takers, Matchers, and Sharers. Part one discusses the importance of Fairness and mutual reciprocity. Part two discusses the categories in detail and gives fun examples of givers and takers. Part three is a clear explanation of the dynamic that plays out between givers and takers as well as ways to identify takers and advice to givers.
Part 1 Audio Version Available
A Fairy Tale: Why Fairness is Essential in Healthy Work and Relationships
Part 2
Dudley-Do-Right Meets the Leach
Part 3
Mother Superior Meets the Sociopath: Not A Love Story
This is a three part series about how human relationships and work are based upon being Givers, Takers, Matchers, and Sharers. Part one discusses the importance of Fairness and mutual reciprocity. Part two discusses the categories in detail and gives fun examples of givers and takers. Part three is a clear explanation of the dynamic that plays out between givers and takers as well as ways to identify takers and advice to givers.
Part 1 Audio Version Available
A Fairy Tale: Why Fairness is Essential in Healthy Work and Relationships
Part 2
Dudley-Do-Right Meets the Leach
Part 3
Mother Superior Meets the Sociopath: Not A Love Story
Imagine playing a game with someone without shared rules. How about two people playing chess, with one following the rules of croquet and the other playing by rules of boxing. As you can imagine, it is going to create some serious problems between them, and the game will likely end in disaster. Spoken and unspoken rules are a fundamental requirement for any couple to have healthy disagreements. When people do not follow a shared set of rules, they set themselves up for failure from the start. When couples have disagreements without shared guidelines, they end up spending so much time arguing about arguing, creating damage…
Below are insights and wisdom I have collected over years of working with couples and reading literature on having happy successful relationships. It is work in progress and periodically updated. Feel free to email me and share anything you would like to add to it.
Take your time as you go over them. Stop and discuss thoughts and feelings about each one. This is also a "we" not "you" list
Paying on the front-end costs much less than paying on the back-end. I commonly hear people say we don’t have the…
Take your time as you go over them. Stop and discuss thoughts and feelings about each one. This is also a "we" not "you" list
Paying on the front-end costs much less than paying on the back-end. I commonly hear people say we don’t have the…
These are questionnaires that I created to go along with my upcoming blog article “Why Men are Messy and Women are Fussy.” The questionnaires are below.
Messy stands for Male Emotional Sensitivity Syndrome and Fussy stands for Female Ultra-emotional Sensitive Syndrome. The blog addresses, from an evolutionary/bio-neurological perspective, why relationship communication commonly breaks down due…
Messy stands for Male Emotional Sensitivity Syndrome and Fussy stands for Female Ultra-emotional Sensitive Syndrome. The blog addresses, from an evolutionary/bio-neurological perspective, why relationship communication commonly breaks down due…
September 8. 2020
“She’s a very kinky girl… the kind you don’t take home to mother.” Funky music blaring, smiling faces, clapping, shouts of approval and encouragement being drowned out in my head by a voice saying “That looks cool… I hope I dance like that,” “That looks stupid… make sure not to do that move,” “What am I going to do when it’s my turn,” “that bitch she stole ‘the robot’ my signature move and now I can’t use it,” “ok, remember those five top dance moves so people see you as cool, sexy, fun, and real.” Grooving down the conveyer belt a beat at a time, closer and closer, my turn to dance down the line is coming, anxiety building and building, mind chatter drowning out Super Freak, getting closer and closer, resisting and wanting, resisting putting myself in a place of judgment while simultaneously wanting to be accepted and approved of as I begin my dance down this hallway of “judging” eyes.
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“She’s a very kinky girl… the kind you don’t take home to mother.” Funky music blaring, smiling faces, clapping, shouts of approval and encouragement being drowned out in my head by a voice saying “That looks cool… I hope I dance like that,” “That looks stupid… make sure not to do that move,” “What am I going to do when it’s my turn,” “that bitch she stole ‘the robot’ my signature move and now I can’t use it,” “ok, remember those five top dance moves so people see you as cool, sexy, fun, and real.” Grooving down the conveyer belt a beat at a time, closer and closer, my turn to dance down the line is coming, anxiety building and building, mind chatter drowning out Super Freak, getting closer and closer, resisting and wanting, resisting putting myself in a place of judgment while simultaneously wanting to be accepted and approved of as I begin my dance down this hallway of “judging” eyes.
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October 13. 2020
I created this purging technique because when emotions are highly intense, sitting down, breathing, and quieting the mind can feel next to impossible and can even leave people feeling more frustrated and hopeless.
My clients in therapy, as well as myself, find this technique to be incredibly helpful when experiencing very intense negative emotion and destructive self-talk.
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I created this purging technique because when emotions are highly intense, sitting down, breathing, and quieting the mind can feel next to impossible and can even leave people feeling more frustrated and hopeless.
My clients in therapy, as well as myself, find this technique to be incredibly helpful when experiencing very intense negative emotion and destructive self-talk.
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September 28. 2020
I’m so glad that you are reading this because it means you are clearly ready for positive change in your life. My goal as a psychologist is to make the world a better place one person at a time. You are one of those people. Below are various suggestions on things that I know help people to live much better lives.
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I’m so glad that you are reading this because it means you are clearly ready for positive change in your life. My goal as a psychologist is to make the world a better place one person at a time. You are one of those people. Below are various suggestions on things that I know help people to live much better lives.
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September 12. 2020
Most anger, anxiety, and stress that we experience are actually the result of a mind/body dysregulation in which the mind is thinking of something that does not exist in this very moment, but eliciting a physical response as if it is (i.e. emotions). Once the body and mind recognize that the mental event does not currently exist and that the body’s reactivity is counterproductive, then we can effectively move back towards a state of health and balance…
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Most anger, anxiety, and stress that we experience are actually the result of a mind/body dysregulation in which the mind is thinking of something that does not exist in this very moment, but eliciting a physical response as if it is (i.e. emotions). Once the body and mind recognize that the mental event does not currently exist and that the body’s reactivity is counterproductive, then we can effectively move back towards a state of health and balance…
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September 10. 2020
So, you might ask…. Why would a psychologist write something about therapy that would put him out of business? “He must be crazy” you say???? Well, maybe a little I must admit, but I would dare to say in a good way. Unfortunately, our culture pressures people to go around acting as if everything is “just fine,” when often times the case is that their life is something other than “fine.” We are all on what I fondly call “the planet of misfit toys” trying to fool one another that we have our shit together better than all the other misfits in this world. Leading to so much unhealthy competition, rejection/judgment of ourselves and others, insincerity in our relationships with one another, and countless Facebook posts. Seems to me that it might be a heck of a lot easier in the long run to stop this ruse and start giving acceptance and support to both ourselves and others.
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So, you might ask…. Why would a psychologist write something about therapy that would put him out of business? “He must be crazy” you say???? Well, maybe a little I must admit, but I would dare to say in a good way. Unfortunately, our culture pressures people to go around acting as if everything is “just fine,” when often times the case is that their life is something other than “fine.” We are all on what I fondly call “the planet of misfit toys” trying to fool one another that we have our shit together better than all the other misfits in this world. Leading to so much unhealthy competition, rejection/judgment of ourselves and others, insincerity in our relationships with one another, and countless Facebook posts. Seems to me that it might be a heck of a lot easier in the long run to stop this ruse and start giving acceptance and support to both ourselves and others.
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Finding a good therapist can be like finding a good plumber, accountant, or dentist. It can feel like looking for a needle in a haystack, but once you do find a good one you are glad that you took the steps to make it happen. For most people this search can feel intimidating and confusing leading them to put off counseling longer than needed.
Here are some things that I would suggest in finding the…
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Here are some things that I would suggest in finding the…
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