“She’s a very kinky girl… the kind you don’t take home to mother.” Funky music blaring, smiling faces, clapping, shouts of approval and encouragement being drowned out in my head by a voice saying “that looks cool… I hope I dance like that,” “that looks stupid… make sure not to do that move,” “what am I going to do when it’s my turn,” “that bitch she stole ‘the robot’ my signature move and now I can’t use it,” “ok, remember those five top dance moves so people see you as cool, sexy, fun, and real.” Grooving down the conveyer belt a beat at a time, closer and closer, my turn to dance down the line is coming, anxiety building and building, mind chatter drowning out Super Freak, getting closer and closer, resisting and wanting, resisting putting myself in a place of judgement while simultaneously wanting to be accepted and approved of as I begin my dance down this hallway of “judging” eyes.
I created this purging technique because when emotions are highly intense, sitting down, breathing, and quieting the mind can feel next to impossible and can even leave people feeling more frustrated and hopeless. My clients in therapy, as well as myself, find this technique to be incredibly helpful when experiencing very intense negative emotion and destructive self-talk.
I’m so glad that you are reading this because it means you are clearly ready for positive change in your life. My goal as a psychologist is to make the world a better place one person at a time. You are one of those people. Below are various suggestions on things that I know help people to live much better lives.
Most anger, anxiety, and stress that we experience are actually the result of a mind/body dysregulation in which the mind is thinking of something that does not exist in this very moment, but eliciting a physical response as if it is (i.e. emotions). Once the body and mind recognize that the mental event does not currently exist and that the body’s reactivity is counterproductive, then we can effectively move back towards a state of health and balance. Here is a quick and effective technique for calming and balancing during time of dysregulation.
So, you might ask…. Why would a psychologist write something about therapy that would put him out of business? “He must be crazy” you say???? Well, maybe a little I must admit, but I would dare to say in a good way. Unfortunately, our culture pressures people to go around acting as if everything is “just fine,” when often times the case is that their life is something other than “fine.” We are all on what I fondly call “the planet of misfit toys” trying to fool one another that we have our shit together better than all the other misfits in this world. Leading to so much unhealthy competition, rejection/judgment of ourselves and others, insincerity in our relationships with one another, and countless Facebook posts. Seems to me that it might be a heck of a lot easier in the long run to stop this ruse and start giving acceptance and support to both ourselves and others.